"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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