make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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