I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
