Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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