Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
