so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
as a side note pls kill me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize