Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
