i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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