Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
