need another drink. this is the easiest way
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
