I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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