was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
