I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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