if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
