wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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