Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
