what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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