not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize