Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
