is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
