How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
