I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
