So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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