bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
