People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
