I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
