There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
