Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
