This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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