I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found puke in my bra..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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