I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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