Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
