so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
