i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
