How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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