His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize