Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
