it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
