I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
