How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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