yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk is not a location!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
