I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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