The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
