I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize