just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
