That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Shame - the story of my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
