I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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