This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize