Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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