she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
soo... how was my night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
