Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize