I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
