It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
