I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
