Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
