I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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