I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize