Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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