I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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