i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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