No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
