no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
