I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
