One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
