I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
