he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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