He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
