Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
