i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
