I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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