On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
