I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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