i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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