Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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