Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
