now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
