I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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