the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
