marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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