My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
