If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize