i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
