omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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