Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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