If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
