hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
