I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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