put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
