i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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