Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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