Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
