i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
