Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
