I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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