The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
