just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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