A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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