Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
