You work out of a Hotel?
I just threw up on my dentist
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
