I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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